If you’re new here (probably all of you, because this is one of our first posts), you should know I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety. Quite the post to start off with! But we’re being honest here. I spent a good portion of my twenties assuming no one would take on the baggage of a mentally ill partner. I spent another part hoping that I’d meet someone who’d want to help fix me. Fortunately for everyone involved, neither of those scenarios are realistic. Did I spend time with partners who told me I was too much? Have I flirted with people who thought my depression made me “deeper” and that anxiety made me “attentive”? Absolutely. But the great delight of being married is not that I’m fixed, it’s that I’ve found someone who encourages me to work on myself and gives me the tools to do so.
It started fairly early in our relationship. We met on Tinder in 2017. She’d been in Orlando for an Orlando Pride game when her profile was active. I was looking for a hookup (sorry, Mom and Dad). I found someone who was witty, charming, and living three thousand miles away in British Columbia. We talked all night and into the next day when her plane flew out. I wouldn’t meet her in person for another four months.
What followed were a lot of late-night discussions about life, morality, family planning, and pop culture. The pillars of a strong lesbian relationship. I assumed my many issues would be the hardest obstacle of any adult relationship. Amanda helped me realize that this wasn’t the case. One, because there was nothing in my past that would scare this girl off. I really tried by dumping everything on her up front. Two, because Amanda was an adult with her own baggage. Any hangups I had about a long term relationship started disappearing with every text.
For the first time in a very long time, I had a goal. I had very vague goals of success in my career and financial security but this was different. Every few months Amanda would fly into Orlando and make herself at home in the bedroom I rented. It felt like a chance each time to prove to each other how we were progressing. She was striving towards her degree and I was working to stop having daily meltdowns. It turns out that is a lot easier with a supportive partner. Amanda encouraged me to talk to my doctors and make a plan. I started on medication for the first time in nearly ten years and started seeing a therapist (big shoutout to Steven at 26 Health in Orlando for that). Everything suddenly seemed real and manageable.
I won’t say Amanda fixed me or that I couldn’t love myself until she loved me. But without her help, I wouldn’t have had the courage to walk into the doctor’s office and admit I needed help. Amanda has her own struggles, and I’m sure she’ll share them here, but I’m infinitely thankful to be married to someone who is committed to my mental wellness as much as I am. She spends a lot of time asking “is there anything I can do to help?” and making helpful suggestions like “maybe you make another appointment with Steven” when I’m clearly struggling. That’s how we’ve made it work for 3 years of dating and 5 months of marriage. We prop each other up every day.
Bredson Family 