Just over a year ago, our economy was rocked by the coronavirus. Millions of people lost their jobs. Offices went remote. Amanda no longer had a theme park job. We made some very difficult choices when it comes to our career tracks. Thankfully, Amanda was able to take a job at my place of employment. We’ve been working together for close to a year now so I wanted to reflect on what we’ve both learned. I’ll be sharing my reflections first and then Amanda will share her perspective. It’s our first joint post!
Grace’s Turn
I. was. not. prepared.
It doesn’t matter how much you love someone or how well you know them, they are a different person in a work environment. To be fair, Amanda told me exactly what her work style was. When we first matched on tinder, Amanda’s bio said she was the lesbian love child of Bianca del Rio and Bob the drag queen. If you’re our straight friends, I’ll include some gifs below so you know who I mean.
Now that we’re all on the same page, both queens are known for being hard working queens with cutting commentary. If that’s not my wife at work, I don’t know what is. She has definitely set the bar for a position I thought was my pride and joy. Her work ethic puts many to shame. But she does not suffer a fool.
For better or for worse, I am a people pleaser. I feel an office runs best when everyone is able to openly communicate and work towards a common goal. Amanda has the same perspective, but she has no fear telling people when they aren’t holding up their side of the work. It’s been interesting to try to navigate how I deal with flaws in teamwork vs how Amanda deals with it. I will take my time to gather examples and take them to management. Amanda will tell someone loudly, to their face, in front of the entire office, what they did wrong. It has given me pause to see my loving wife be so abrupt and short. It’s definitely not a side she uses at home or in our personal life.
I admire the chutzpah it takes to tell someone when they’re in the wrong. It’s definitely not something I feel comfortable doing. But Amanda is able to make her point, do her job, and has the admiration of her superiors and the respect of her coworkers. Being able to see that side of a spouse is a rare gift. Even if we never work together again, I’ll be glad we had this experience at the beginning of our marriage.
Amanda chimes in:
I think this is a very accurate description of how I work. I do not suffer fools. In any way, shape, or form. And I do have a very strong work ethic which is the most double edged swords of all bladed melee weapons. I take a lot of pride in my work and fully expect others to be at the same level as myself. At the same time, it’s so very not healthy that I will intertwine my self-image/worth with my work. Granted, this comes from many decades spent in a creative field in which you do have to include a part of yourself in your work. It’s almost impossible to separate yourself.
Grace, on the other hand, excels at this. Girl can leave work and that’s it. Obviously there are times where she does worry about work while at home, but really anxiety is mostly to blame for that one. She is able to fully separate her job from her self-identity. That is something I truly admire.
Where I’m headstrong and at times loud, Grace is for the most part, very even tempered. We have a stressful job and she’s on the front line with dealing with the issues the software presents on a daily basis. Her default reaction to stress and anger is to cry so it’s understandable when she reaches that breaking point and I can hear her quietly sniffle at her desk. Part of working together that’s been difficult is I’m a fixer and it’s been a journey in finding that balance of “fixing” everything and letting her just have her moment and move on.
And once she does? She’s moved on to be the office sunshine. It team morale had a face, it’d be hers. Grace is the queen of morale, even if she herself isn’t feeling it. She can be on the edge of wanting to just pack up her desk and drive home, but she’s still put together a sign up sheet for an office potluck.
The job she was at when we first met, she was making nametags for all her coworkers out of different scrapbook paper. It may be the Midwestern in her, but it’s genuinely one of her most endearing qualities. She’ll say it’s because she’s a people pleaser, but I think she just really likes to see people happy. Those may be the same things, but “people pleaser” always seems to have a negative connotation and I don’t see it as a negative trait at all.
The only time the negative side of that people pleaser nature comes out would be in sticking up for herself. She’s an amazing contribution to any team and that can lead to being taken advantage of. Recently my sisters were in town for a Disney trip with their families and one night we were talking about our job. Within seconds my brother-in-law interrupted Grace to tell her she needs to tell our boss she needs a raise. Granted, he is a man prone to exaggeration at times, but he was right on the money with this one. Grace is an incredible employee and is an invaluable asset to any company she works for.
We’ve spent pretty much every hour together for nearly a year. Some of those hours have been a bit more difficult than the other. But it’s been so cool to not only see these different sides of each other but also have the opportunity to walk over to each other’s desk throughout the day and just say hi, get a hug, or give a pep talk. We won’t always work together, but I do appreciate that in twenty years when we talk of the pandemic, it’ll have this fabulous little silver lining to it.
Do you work with your spouse/significant other? Found that they are a completely different person at work than they are at home? Comment below or join our Facebook Group and let us know we aren’t alone!
And don’t forget about our podcast! You can find it wherever you stream podcasts, but links are also available on our Two Wives & Their Dog page.
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